I find that my memory is the most betraying thing of it all. I go through my cycles of fighting to forget things and when I least expect it everything comes flooding back. One of my coworkers said something interesting today when telling me about his recent break up... "No one has a nice past". This struck out the most to me because it's so true. No one has a past they're completely proud of. I think I've taken so many wrong turns in my life that at times I feel helpless and alone when trying to make the right turn. But in reality, this is the person I am and I have to accept that. All these mistakes that I've made have made me into the person I am today and I can't say I regret much. I regret not being smarter about situations and not following the logical path of things instead of the emotional path.
It's funny because today I sat down and asked myself why I am the way I am. I think it has to do with a lot but I found myself cursing the fact that I was a Cancer because I am the EPITOME of a Cancer. Seriously! Emotional basket case. But you know what? Every feeling that I have is so real and so raw that I'm okay with that. When I love, I love. When I hate, I hate. There's never any second guessing when it comes to my emotions lol.
So you know what? Here's to all my feelings. All my memories, beloved and betraying. All my heartbreaks and tears. Laughs and shouts. I'm a feeler of sorts (that sounds weird) but I would rather feel everything the way I do rather than feel nothing at all.
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